he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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