i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize