Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
