i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
