Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
