Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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