I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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