I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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