we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
