Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
