apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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