yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize