Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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