mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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