Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
