i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
