I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
