Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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