Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
