hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just want to make out with him forever
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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