Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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