Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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