Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
