Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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