We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
