I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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