I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
