Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
