Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
