where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize