pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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