Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
