Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
