If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
