need another drink. this is the easiest way
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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