I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
this beer tastes like vomit already
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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