At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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