Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
