the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
