I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
