I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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