what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
