My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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