I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
