Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
you never un-have a 4some
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
