It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
i need some magic done to my vagina
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
