six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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