im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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