even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
