she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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