I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Oh god it's open bar.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize