Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize