Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
not ubering you a puppy
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
