We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
