His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
