a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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