i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
