A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
What a dumb baby whore.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize