return my video game
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
