i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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