tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
