Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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