Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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