I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
