Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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