So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
