I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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