That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just blew my weed a kiss
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
