did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
