Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
zippers are such a cool invention
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
