Your face is a jimmy john
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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