My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize