drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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